Part 2 of a talk story series about generational trauma with Native Hawaiian therapist Alexis Kamakanoe Ornellas
Written by Cris Romento, Director of Dear Aloha
One of the most unexpected parts of making my film was choosing to film my own ʻohana, and talk to my father about his decision to leave Hawaiʻi. Through the making of my film, I was in the trenches of healing (and still am), and I struggled with being this vulnerable for a documentary. The night before my interview with my dad, I was terrified about having this conversation on camera, and being so open about my own feelings. What was I doing, and did my father even feel any type of way about moving away from Hawaiʻi? Am I doing enough to handle it with care, not just for a reaction on camera? My first conversation is now seen in Dear Aloha, and there are times I wish I knew how to navigate this better.
How do we honor our kūpuna and makua while also healing from the wounds of colonization? How can we support our parents without forcing them into spaces they may not be ready to enter? And most importantly, how do we even begin the journey to understanding how generational trauma has shown up for us?
This article explores these questions, offering pathways to healing available to diasporic kānaka today. I'm so grateful to bring Alexis Kamakanoe Ornellas, a Native Hawaiian therapist, to talk to me about this issue.
Who's at the table:
Alexis Kamakanoe Ornellas, (she/her/'oia) is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado, a consultant and trainer for therapists and practitioners and is a truth teller who is soul committed to collective liberation, the land back movement, and the return of Hawaiian sovereignty. She identifies as a mixed race Kānaka maoli queer woman of the generational Hawaiian diaspora as she was born and raised in New York to a white European mother and a Kanaka Chinese Portuguese father. She is a mother, a wife, an artist, a hula dancer, an activist and a person who stutters. She has been a psychotherapist since 2010s working with mixed and BIPOC folks to heal developmental, complex, historical and intergenerational trauma, and has been more recently focused on building community within the Hawaiian diaspora to create online spaces where Kānaka can feel Hawaiian enough and reclaim their culture and heritage. You can learn more about her and the work she does on her website, manacounseling.com or on IG: @manacounseling.
Interview by Cris Romento, Director of Dear Aloha.
A lot of us are coming from families where our grandparents could not share that they were Hawaiian and were banned from speaking our language. How can we navigate those relationships, when it feels they are not open to their Hawaiian-ness?
Alexis: It is important to have compassion and understanding for how they became this way, and that it is not up to us if they choose not to address that trauma.
"What is within our control is to strengthen our connection to our culture and do the generational trauma work necessary to heal, and that this can heal both past, present, and future generations through the mana that gets unleashed through generational trauma healing. "
While I definitely cannot take all the credit, my makuakāne’s mental and emotional health and the health of our relationship has significantly improved since I started my generational trauma healing journey 15 years ago. And I have dreams and visitations from my dead kūpuna who seem well when they weren’t in this life. I trust that our healing can do some (not all) of the healing work for our people when they do not do it themselves.
When it comes to our parents, should we be encouraging them to seek therapy? If they don’t want to participate, are there other ways we can support their healing?
Alexis: Yes, I think it can be helpful for our mākua to seek therapy and to encourage it, especially if we notice they are struggling mentally or emotionally. If they don’t want to participate, we can also let them know (if willing and able) that we are here as support and can offer a space of listening and connection without judgement - which is what many people need anyway.
How do we even begin talking about the Hawaiian Diaspora in our families?
Alexis: We can start by saying to ʻohana (and pick ʻohana that you feel the most comfortable or safest with first, so you can practice) that we have been contemplating the impact of being a Hawaiian away from Hawaiʻi and we can ask if they are willing to engage in conversation about what that experience has been like for you and for them (if that applies) and others that you know. When we ask for consent about having a conversation, people are more willing and open to have it. Then go from there - see how it unfolds. And let go of any specific outcome outside of just starting the conversation. Talking about the Hawaiian Diaspora may need to be many conversations that unfold over time.
How do we find Pacific Islander counselors or therapists that can help us with generational trauma? What do we look for? Are there any questions we should ask in a consultation?
Alexis: There is a new list serv developing of Kānaka and other PI therapists both within Hawaiʻi and in diaspora called Kākoʻo Hawaiʻi Mental Health Collective. Another option is to search Psychology Today and use the filter option to click Pacific Islander, which means the therapist may either have expertise in working with Pacific Islander populations and/or the identity of a Pacific Islander.
As for finding those who work with generational trauma, look for wording in bios and websites that speak to their expertise in working with the impacts of historical and generational trauma. Look for therapists who don’t just do talk therapy or cognitive behavioral interventions, but who also include modalities that address how trauma is held in the body, like: Internal Family System Therapy (IFS) or parts work (my personal favorite and the primary modality I use), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and others.
Here are other questions that might be helpful to ask in order to get clear about the therapist's training, lived experience, and understanding of the impacts of historical and generational trauma for Kānaka:
Are you Kanaka/PI? If so, how connected are you to your culture and identity? (Consider these questions if you are wanting someone with shared identity/lived experience and one who has a strong connection to their identity.)
If you are not NHPI, what experience and training makes you proficient at working with this population?
Are you aware of the horrible history that has happened in Hawaiʻi? If so, what is your perspective of it? If not, would you be willing to learn as it has likely had a huge impact on me? (these questions may help to assess their knowledge and perspective, and whether it is aligned, and what training they are willing to do to help you).
Have you done your own anti-racism and decolonizing work? If so, how? (Because much of our generational trauma is connected to racism and colonialism and most everyone in the western world holds some of these blindspots, it's important to check whether our therapists are doing the work to address it. It is not enough to say they are antiracist and decolonial.)
Have you done your own generational trauma work? If so, how? (It is important to look for therapists who are doing their own work, especially generational trauma work. Hard to guide someone where you havenʻt been before).
Are there any resources we can turn to for help? Any books, podcasts, or quotes that have helped you as a diasporic Kānaka?
There are so many and they have fallen into many different categories, related to history, historical fiction, language, identity, culture, and mental health, but here are my top faves:
Podcasts:
Books:
Instagram Accounts:
Is there a message you’d like to share to Diasporic Hawaiians?
"As much generational trauma we have inherited, we have also inherited our people’s fierceness, aloha, and resilience. "
Alexis: We must tap into that fierceness, aloha and resilience to heal and recover - for ourselves and for past and future generations. Hawaiʻi and the lāhui need us, and we need them. It is no secret that Hawaiʻi and our people continue to face significant systemic oppression. My concern is that if we in the diaspora don’t continue to reclaim and reconnect to our identity and culture and heal our generational trauma, we may continue to struggle with the issues that keep us disconnected from the greater issues our people and ʻāina are facing. This could lead to not enough forces to fight back and then our culture and ʻāina could be in real trouble. Which means those of us who need to, need to start to address the shame, grief, sadness, and anxiety that live in us. It is time for mai hilahila - do not be ashamed.
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Explore more:
What is generational trauma, and what does it mean for Hawaiians?
What is the Hawaiian Diaspora? And why should we care?
Kiliona Palauni's story on returning home from the Hawaiian Diaspora.
Resources for Pacific Islanders in Washington State.
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